Cards Against Humanity:

A goddamn Christmas miracle

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
I sat up in bed with a gleam in my eye,
Hoping to peep on St. Nick in the sky.

Then all of a sudden I heard a great crash,
And whom did I spy all covered in ash?
It was jolly old Santa, that corpulent elf,
With a sack full of presents to place ‘neath my shelf.

I noticed a package so shiny and black,
With Helvetica typeface and crisp plastic wrap;
‘Twas Cards ‘Gainst Humanity that Santa did hold—
The very same version that Amazon sold!

“Please, Santa,” I urged, “won’t you stay for a joke
And sample this card game for horrible folk?”
How his red cheeks went white as he plucked up a card
And read “Ho ho… jerking off into a pool of children’s tears?!”

Santa died on the spot with a grimace of pain
As a wee little vessel did burst in his brain;
The reindeer went feral, they ran and they bucked
And were smash’d by a FedEx delivery truck.

Cards Against Humanity is back in stock - ruin Christmas for your loved ones for just $25.