December 2008
Size Matters
Only 18 countries are larger than Alaska.
Max Impact
MunkPorn incoming:
Somebody drop a satellite-guided bomb on my head. I’m not sure if I can take another note of Max Impact, the Air Force’s official nu metal band. Or their press releases, which were clearly written by a member of The Onion’s editorial staff. Read this announcement for the song “Locked and Loaded” — and pray for steel on target:
With powerful...
“Imagine if you didn’t have a home life. Imagine if everybody had pretty...”
– Kris Hogan; read this article
“Ho Ho Ho! Death to the surveillance state! Free movement for all people!’”
–
TEMPE, Ariz. (AP) _ A group of Santa impersonators are on the naughty list of Arizona law enforcement officials. A YouTube video posted Monday shows four people dressed as Kris Kringle, white beards and red hats included, covering three speed and red light enforcement cameras in Tempe. Two are...
Funny Theist Quotes
A list of funny, er… scary things that theists say:
“No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest “cover” of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.”
This is why I think...
“Whenever I go back and re-read an email that I wrote a long time ago, I usually...”
– Scott Simpson (via merlin)
Brothers Grimm
The Old Man and His Grandson
There was once a very old man, whose eyes had become dim, his ears dull of hearing, his knees trembled, and when he sat at table he could hardly hold the spoon, and spilt the broth upon the table-cloth or let it run out of his mouth. His son and his son’s wife were disgusted at this, so the old grandfather at last had to sit in the corner behind the stove, and...
WatchThere is so much to love about this.
Octopuses Have No Personalities, Enjoy HDTV
Whiteox writes about an Australian researcher named Renata Pronk, who has discovered that octopuses prefer HDTV. She recruited 32 gloomy octopuses from the waters of Chowder Bay. Previously, researchers have reported little success when showing video to octopuses. Miss Pronk’s insight was that the octopus eye is so refined that it might see standard PAL video, at 25 fps, as a series of...
Reposting due to extreme amounts of awesomeness.
...
SomethingAwful Discusses Preview for Next Week's...
Goon 1: Oh fuck. Next challenge: NO LIMITS!
Goon 2: I'll believe it when I see it. I'm sure they'll put them in some insane kitchen or give them a dollar limit anyway. NO LIMITS! Now prepare whatever you'd like for under $20 in this ship's galley.
“I never understood this particular platitude… and for those of you who don’t...”
– Michael Ian Black, “College”
“Who the hell is going to eat 6 deviled eggs in one sitting?”
– - SomethingAwful comment on the most recent Top Chef, which was awesome.
BONUS QUOTE: “The gospel choir was absurd. I think they’re just looking for things that’ll stimulate Carla’s psycho vulture face.”
America Is the Best!
Plainclothes cops jump out of van, snatch up 12-year-old girl, beat her during a prostitution raid. They had the wrong house. They’re now charging *her* with “assaulting a public official.”
I listen to Rush at the gym to make sure that even if I don’t work the hardest, I do rock the hardest.
yourmonkeycalled:
I Miss McNulty
“Why’d you...
Watchalexkehr:
“The Wrestler” Movie Trailer 2008 on Vimeo (via Vimeo)
It has 100% on Rotten Tomatoes now with 60+ reviews.
SNL Did Something Funny
I thought this was the funniest thing I’d seen on SNL in years.
davidmunk:
Seth Meyers: Governor Paterson, what do you have against New Jersey? Fred Armisen as Paterson: Unfortunately a southern border. - The best bit from that “offensive” SNL sketch
David Foster Wallace on staying conscience
A commencment speech by DFW:
By way of example, let’s say it’s an average day, and you get up in the morning, go to your challenging job, and you work hard for nine or ten hours, and at the end of the day you’re tired, and you’re stressed out, and all you want is to go home and have a good supper and maybe unwind for a couple of hours and then hit the rack early because...
What Is the Bloop?
During the Cold War, the United States Navy erected a vast array of underwater listening devices in order to detect and track Soviet nuclear submarines. These hydrophones were placed at roughly 3,000 mile intervals in the deep layer of water known as the deep sound channel, where cold temperatures and high pressures allow sound waves to propagate great distances. When the Cold War ended, rather...
“It’s not that my dog is relentlessly gnawing on a dehydrated bull’s...”
– SeoulBrother via Twitter
Watchmerlin:
Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (with Jon Hamm)
[via Chris Glass]
So the CIA, FBI, and the BPD Walk Into a Forest......
The Baltimore Police Department, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive...